Pimp my Pizza

So the basic thing here is taking an average dull frozen pizza and turn it into something you can proudly chug down with a few beers over a football game.

You know the bad thing about food here in Italy? The problem is we don't have any Hungry Man snacks, no Hot Pockets, no Subways, no Taco Bells, no Wendys, no White Castle, not even any Quiznos.

We are basically supposed to be eating olive oil and tomatoes and whatever else that is healthy and won't clog your arteries. But I rebel to that!

I'm not gonna submit to this country and its eating habits.

So let's the what's our basic ingredient:

That's a frozen pizza available here in Europe, best on the market when it comes to value for money, that's the mushroom one, the only edible of the serie as the others have shite like tuna on them.

Okay so now what we need is some goodness, and what do you think of when you think about something that's good and pink?

Bacon obviously, here it is:

So now we just have to fry our piggy goodness on a pan for a bit, until it cooks

At the same time we should be getting some proper mozzarella sliced up so we can add it to our pizza

This is our pizza in the oven out of the box, with no additions

Now let's add some yummy bacon, looks much better already

Let's have a better look at the bacon, looks so gorgeous and sexy on the pizza base, so crispy yet so delicate, the food of the goods and the alcoholics of this planet(yes there are gods among us, haven't you watched Thor yet?)

Cheese attack! Let's slam some damn mozzarella on that thing, now I'm talking about proper mozzarella from Italy, she melts and she's a beauty, there you go.

I did burn a little bit the edges but it was all good. I then doused it in Green Jalapeno Tabasco sauce and Encona Hot Pepper, my two favourite hot sauces.

Well people, bon appetit!

And by the way I actually ended up eating it with grapefruit juice, now some of you might be aware of its liver enzyme inhibiting abilities, which all help in certain situations, but I'll leave it here.

Baconator Chili Toast Blast-Sunny Sunday Version

Okay so here we go for this majestic culinary creation you will need:

-Bacon
-Cheese that melts nicely
-Fresh tomatoes
-Mexican Kidney Beans
-Parsley
-Toast Bread
-Cumin
-Coriander
-A mixed spice powder with chili, garlic, cumin, paprika, dried onion, etc.

So thats's our spice mix, all sourced in either India or the next local supermarket

Then we chop the fresh parsley leafs and the tomatoes and slam them in a frying pan together with the Mexican kidney beans. Then we add spices to taste. I like to go a little but heavy with the cumin but show restraint with the coriander/cilantro that had the tendency of overpowering other flavours a bit.

Now that's our tomatoes cooking up nice with the beans  and the flavourings.

At the same time you should baconating with dedication:

Thats's my bacon of choice, it's good, in strips and the brand shares a name with a famous Italian firearm manufacturer, and we all knows guns are at least as cool as bacon.

 That's some Raschera cheese next to our beloved bacon, they go well together Italy's finest.

Bacon strips cooking up nicely as they should. Dammit!

Nows let's get to the assembling part, first of all let's get our toast ready:

Next step will be unloading the tomato and bean mixture onto the toast with dead accuracy, as we don't tolerates failure round here.

Okay so now we're slowly getting there, just need to make everything nicely fit on that toast, now we add our bacon.

It's starting to look yummy! Ain't it? Brap

Now let's add more BACON

Now that's more like it, I had some extra bacon cooking so I just slammed the fucker onto that. I knows it looks good, but it's not done yet.

Side view of our lovely creation, just for the artistic factor!

That's like porn, pussy or bacon, the choice is yours, at least one is always warm, welcoming and never smells like an open air fish market on a warm sunny summer day. Am I right lads?

MAJESTIC:

Close up of our creation:

So nows that's almost finished, all we need is some melted cheese and then we're home free.

Okay now let's put this in the oven and let fucker melt.

Wow looking orgasmic ain't it? Wonderful, we're almost done, nows all the flavours would have mixed nicely with each other, the spices, everything.

What we have here is by far the pimpiest cheese on toast ever made, future generations will use this as guideline for the food making process of a hybrid of humans and robots that will over take humanity and force the global population on a diet of bacon.

In case you haven't noticed that looks yummy as fuck, have another peek

Ready to be eaten by me:

Final pic of my lovely creation, marvelous creation I might add

Hope you enjoyed my cooking blog today, with nice ingredients, a taste for grease and enough beer and stuff in your system you should never underestimate your culinary creativity. Keep your mind open, try different combinations, experiment. If you want to be on the front line of food making, dig yourself in a trench of bacon and hold your own against haters and nay-sayers.

Keep it real to the max. Peace bruvs.

8-Bit Militia Salutes Comrades Beavis and Butthead

Who doesn't like retro stuff? I mean if you don't you're probably some sort of boring wanker who has no right to live. I mean what's better than retro games?

Screw Xbox I play old school Nintendo, that should be your mantra, you know something you repeat to yourself every morning while shaving or drying your hair after shower.

Please don't tell me you haven't been getting into 8-bit music lately, okay I've been mostly bollocksed on MXE and other assorted goodies but still any self-respecting nerdy fellow should be going absolutely mad when hearing an 8-bit version of Reign in Blood by Slayer.

There's plenty more decent tunes re-made in that style, I could post links if I wanted but I can't really be arsed that much so you should do your own research.

The shit I'm talking about is so on and so real I need video-graphic evidence to prove just how fucking awesome the whole thing is, there you go here's a teaser of what you could be doing tonight, instead of the boring bullshit you're probably engaged in:

Anyway old school retro games kick ass and if you don't agree they should should ship you to some labor camp far away as you're not deserving of your place amongst us!!! Bla ha ha!

So today I found a gem, a true gem, I mean something that would get proper nineties freaks cream over their pants as if they were actually getting some sort of sexual contact, lol, yeah right!!

So that's the find, yes, I know you now have such a massive boner you just told your mom you can't be making it to dinner as it would be a major distraction, now that you have not only something to do, but the ultimate, I mean the ULTIMATE 90s kid retro game.

The Nostalgia is strong with us tonight, what we have is probably one of the cultiest, baddesst games that ever came out for SNES, obviously Nintendo purists would say that would be Zelda or Mario, but the true kids of the nineties will only have one game to play, Beavis and Butthead!!! BAAAAAAM

This game is actually pretty easy to play, but for us who were brought up in the nineties, with Daria, B&V and rock music on tv, this game is a pearl and as such it should be treated/respected. Its's not just about the way it plays.

Perfection all round from this product, I hope you will enjoy as much as I will tonight. I'll probably end up half comatose in front of the screen in a few hours, but that's how I roll and so should you.

I mean the worst thing that will happen is losing track of time and showing up at work still fucked, but that has happened to me so many times throughout the years it's not even funny. Blud Blud!

I wish a safe, eventual, chemmed up school night for everybody out there!

Peaces out bruvs, and see you next time

Microchip Family Needs Closure

Has anybody ever felt attached to a machine just as much as you feel attached to a living creature? Well I think I have.

I mean for years and years, this piece of plastic, metal and rare earth materials has been probably the closest thing I had, we shared everything, the good times, the bad times, the boxes and the movers, the cold rainy days in England and the warm uneventful summers in Italy.


The essays the night before the deadline, fast and stimulated like a Thai truck driver, the endless smut sessions, the music making sleepless nights(well dawns more likely).  My favourite movies and tv series, animes, cartoons, they all went through him.

If you were to send the keyboard to a forensic lab they would find traces of food, blood, quite an array of exotic chems, about a trillion potential babies, dust and pollen from seasons and seasons of moving, travelling, living...

He's an old warrior gone forever to the Valhalla of dead computers, but he will always live in me, the memories are there to stay my brother.

You were a friend, a brother and we went through so much.

I'm now no more a Mac user, as I don't follow trends, a new companion has joined me, the Ubuntu powered laptop I'm typing this on as already seen quite a bit. He made his maiden trip to Paris the summer I bought it, then working with me in Lebanon and then NY, he's traveled more than the average American.

The one on the right is the now deceased hero, this is to remember him and celebrate his life, I now it's probably the nerdiest thing in the world to write a R.I.P  blog entry for a dead computer. But hey, that's me and I'm damn proud of the way I am.

So iMac G4 that served me loyally since 2003 and has followed me throughout my adventures, thanks and I hope you're now resting in paradise, where there's no blackouts and the internet is free.

Rest in Peace brother, you were greatly appreciated.

Later

The laptop on the right of the amp has been my new loyal servant the past few years!

One Lively Frankfurter Sandwich Lunch

Mmm today I didn't know what to eat for lunch, something that would be filling, tasty, active on those grease-receptors and fast to make. The answer came to my mind quite quickly when I spotted a couple of Frankfurters in the fridge.

So there I was, I cut the sausages in slices and dropped them in boiling water, as they get less greasy than they would if I grilled them while still keeping their taste.

At the same time I put some butter on one slice of bread while the other was covered with a couple of slices of Italian Blue Cheese(sort of like Stilton), then added some lovely Dijon Mustard, to enhance the taste of the Frankfurters and offset some of their heavy porky after taste.

Another slice of bread was covered with some delightful five spices Mustard, also from France, which is absolutely amazing, as it is made with white wine vinegar and Champagne, plus assorted spices and flavourings.

I then started assembling my sandwiches putting the cooked Frankfurters on top of the bread and adding a little bit more seasoning, in the form of Encona hot sauce

The next step obviously involved me assembling the bad boys and putting them in my loyal grill, which has loyally served me for years now when preparing my greasy fixes.

Look at those greasy things cooking up nice

And finally ready they were, the cheese was melted and so was the butter, the mustard had flavoured the wurstels enough and the bread was nice and crunchy, ready to dig in, yes I am.

Very good article, give it a look!

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Jacket Potato Breakfast - Pancetta and Cheese

What's better than waking up early, having a nice warm cup of coffee and some decent breakfast to go with it?

So this morning I took one left over potato from last night, it had been boiled but not too much so the texture was actually still decent.

I then digged a bit of a hole in it and filled it up with some nice Raschera cheese, which is an Italian cheese that melts really well and some sliced pancetta, flavoured with herbs and spices.

Five minutes in a hot oven and it was done, really good filling breakfast.

Obviously ended up dousing it with some green Jalapeno Tabasco just to add a little bit of edge to it, as I reckon it enhances any dish.

That was quite nice indeed, oh and I almost forgot, happy St.Valentines Day to all you singles out there, that one's for you: ENJOY

See ya later peeps

Artichokes, Bacon and Steak, now thats's a quick lunch

For side we'll have Artichokes hearts, washed and cut, fried in olive oil with parsley and garlic. Cook them until they slightly darken and soften. Don't overdo the cooking though, so to keep their healthyness as intact as possible.

As for the main meat based course, cut some pancetta(bacon) in slices, that's the stuff I'm talking about.

We'll use this instead of butter to cook the meat in, as the bacon grease gives a much better taste to the meat.

So after the bacon starts leaving out some grease, we add some garlic, rosemary, grounded black pepper and spread this around our grill.

Then we slam in the steak and let it brown on both sides, the inside has to be between pink and reddish according to taste, as long as you sourced your beef from your local trusted butcher and not some supermarket.

That's how it should look like after you're done with it.

You can obviously place the pieces of bacon and the garlic and rosemary on top of the steak when you serve it, for added taste and nicer look.

All looking good with the artichokes on the side to add some extra veggie goodness to our meal.

So as we say around here, buon appettito, tastes even better with a slice of some freshly baked bread, a cold lager and a hint of green jalapeno Tabasco I bought in the US to spice up the bacon a little.

It did indeed taste delicious, the meat was tender and tasty, cooked just right, I didn't put any seasonings on it, except for the garlic, rosemary and black pepper as I actually enjoy being able to taste the meat, especially if it's from a good cut.

The artichokes were amazing too, very tender and tasty.

Later peeps